My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
