lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
