life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
