dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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