after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
