Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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