It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
