I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize