I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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