i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
