dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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