I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
