FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize