This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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