Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
