I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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