You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
