It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
