We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
