alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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