we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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