is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I party with great urgency now.
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