Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
