Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
