apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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