I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
