I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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