Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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