Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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