There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
