i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize