u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
