Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
