I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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