I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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