I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
