i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How does one acquire holy water?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
