Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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