I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Two words: blizzard sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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