It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
