you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
