The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
