the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
