I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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