White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
