She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
