She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
