Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MIDGETS
????
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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