new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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