I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
