how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Even my vagina gasped.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
