it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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