on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
