I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
