I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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