I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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