I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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