Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
