when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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