She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
