Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
