Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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