dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
