I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
