The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
