Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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