he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
