Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
