Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think i just naturally attract stoners
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
