was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
