But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
