every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
