A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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