Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
