so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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