i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
