bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize