Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
