he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
