I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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