Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
