So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
