Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
