You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
