you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize