if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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