My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
