currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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