mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
