Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
